While writing in CENICU I accosted Roman and accused him, “You’re Diet Diva aren’t you, AREN’T YOU?!?!” Diet Diva, of course, being one of the frontrunners in the ongoing 2nd Season of IM’s Biggest Loser which is now participated in by all sorts of residents and interns in PGH. “Muka ba akong Diet Diva?” he asked. I told him he seems to have lost so much weight—he gushed and thanked me for the kind words but still denied that he is the enigmatic Diet Diva.
While at the ER census I asked Jeff, “Are you Diet Diva?” to which he just smiled enigmatically. Okay he flat out said “no”. For all I know Diet Diva could be Smoketh, because she is Dieting, and she is a Diva—a Diva of Diets—or more appropriately, a Diva of Dates, as she is having one Delicious Date after another with Dastardly Dashing Dude with Delectable Derriere—she is having one right now in fact, somewhere in… yeah she no longer tells me the details. Diva of Dates and Dastardly Dashing Dude with Delectable Derriere seem to be really hitting it off, so much so that… they are… kissing… right… now! They are kissing right now! I think. Or maybe just holding hands or rubbing each other’s nape hair-lets or something somewhere in Trinoma. Truly the money is but a surrogate outcome in Smoketh’s journey to waif-hood, and what a waif she is now, and if you say waif quickly ten times and if you have an inherent German-Hungarian-English hybrid accent waif would start sounding like wife. Yes, all this weight loss is not for waif-hood, but for wife-hood, except—if you say waif quickly twenty times and you have a cleft somewhere waif would start sounding like wraith, as in a ghost because yes, with all this dieting you could turn into a wraith, and if you happen to have GIBFT the word wraith could sound like ten other things, the most prominent of which would be groin and loin, ie, this IMBL competition thingie could just be a vehicle for you to get some. GIBFT of course stands for gap in between front teeth, and I remember that one of our teachers used to have GIBFT. “Kahith ako’y may kapanthanan di ako dapat pagthawanan,” our meanie classmates would parody-ize. Yes, kids—kids, not adults with respectable professions—could be mean like that, calling people mean names such as GIBFT. Madonna has GIBFT, but she has produced so many hits she has transcended her GIBFT state. Maybe GIBFT-ed people should just be called Madonna.