When asked recently why I wouldn’t cut my damn hair off I’ve thought of two new reasons to add to the multitude of excuses that have accumulated through the years much to the major karindihan of everyone. “Among other contributions, it’s yet another one of my contributions to ugliness,” is one. Another is “I’m poor.” Looking back these were some of my quips, which were just excuses to the one pervading theme in my life: laziness. Nakakatamad naman talaga magpagupit e.
1. I should revel in its shagginess because in a few years I’ll get bald.
2. It protects my head from the rain.
3. Long hair prevents cancer and atrial fibrillation (kids, not true).
4. I’m still having hang-ups from the forced siete I got in ROTC.
5. It looks great and shiny and flowy doesn’t it.
This time, though, the poverty excuse is not exactly untrue, because when you start surveying the price of Wow Ulam and you start fearing you’ll have beri-beri and rickets you can safely say that you are in the financial dumps. For months I’ve remained unfazed at everyone’s stares at my hair which has been growing exponentially taller by the day, until who should accost me as I was writing in a patient’s chart but the fellow-costumed clean-cut Marth V.
“Cut your hair. You’re starting to look like Moriarty,” Marth said. Moriarty being another person who does rounds in the pay floors.
“GAAAAAAAH!” I screamed in my head. For two seconds. It’s just one of the things I could shake off, like my recurrent abdominal pains which I suspect are from some cancer, recurrent palpitations which I suspect are from some cancer, and recurrent headaches which I suspect are from cancer.
It was a few minutes later that Smoketh chanced upon me in COOP surveying for the cheapest food in the menu. “I’ll treat you to COOP lunch,” she said. I said no, she insisted, and after three rounds of dancing around I finally said “Okay I’ll have fried pork chop and a coke light thank God I saw you I was about to be contented with a pack of cornik!”
“By the way,” I started telling Smoketh while we were falling in line, “I don’t usually get affected when people tell me I’m ugly and that I should cut my hair, but when Marth V saw me this morning he told me that I’m starting to look like….”
“MORIARTY?!?” Smoketh said.