… is a song from Keane’s 3rd album Perfect Symmetry. Obviously I’m still all worked up at the prospect of Keane holding a concert in Manila, at quite embittered that I couldn’t drag anyone to watch it with me, so I have just been playing all four of their albums in my iPot repeatedly just in case I would not be able to make it to the concert which I’ve been waiting for for 7 years. That is just one aspect that life could suck at, along with unrelenting suckiness at health, finances, security, relationships, safety, and everything else. Which is just a segue for me to enumerate: Moments When I Promised Myself That I Would Not Want To Again Be In This Position Or Moments When I Said I Promise I Will Never Look Back Kindly At This!
1. ROTC- Because it is a waste of time. I remember having to jog around Vanguard 1 inch away from the wall every Wednesday just so I could “log in”. At one point I thought no one was looking, so I walked leisurely, until I reached the logbook and standing there was commander of sorts or whoever. I got a million push-ups. Which reminds me, I COULD do push-ups back then AHAHAHAHAH I don’t know what happened. All in all ROTC has been a complete waste of time, there is nothing redeeming about it, I vomit at its face.
2. Chemistry 31- Or whatever it was the involves folding of molecules or stuff. The only redeeming quality of that summer of 99 was having taken the class along with Mrs. T and BB, who were excellent in imagining how those structures fold and stuff. Still, I remember sitting quietly at the kiosk near Palma Hall Annex back then thinking, no matter what happens I will hate this memory FOREVER! (the drama of youth).
3. Chickenpox of ’89- I woke up one morning with the mother lesion on my right index finger and tried to pop it as much as I could, thinking that if I pop it it would not spread. Of course it spread, and I was banished to my father’s secret room we called The Batcave. One of the perks of being sick as a child is getting everything that you want, and at that moment all I wanted was a 1988 Super Powers Robin action figure. I got it.
4. First Year Medical School- Because it generally sucked.
5. The Lost Year of 2007- When I moonlighted for a year, with no constant friends to talk to, and being generally lost in plans for the future and lost in the quagmire of self-pity. Because driving along the long high ways by myself with no clear vision of the future was horrifying, and I just wanted to have someone to copy life plans from.
At which point I hang my head in shame because right now, at this point, having gone through everything I have in the past year and a half and survived most of the things I did, with all the tragedies and terror and an even deeper sense of melancholy, I would happily go back to those five, much reviled moments that I promised I have no love lost for. Because at the moment, it seems that everything is, cue Keane: BETTER THAN THIS!
All together now: GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF! GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF!