Went to the mall to fulfill my duty as a shopping enabler. Smoketh has been contemplating on getting airpods, and as a good friend I was there to tell her all the good things about the product, punctuating the rigmarole with the ultimate lie of satanic commercialism: “You Deserve It. Hissssss!!!”

A patient had given me a pair of airpods last year, and although it would be an exaggeration to say that it has changed my life, I can honestly say that using it has improved my multitasking abilities. Like I can now sweep the floor in my underwear while listening to music, without having to figure out how to carry the phone around. My friend Señor Julius Apricot once said that airpods also improves the ergonomics of fellatio, ie, you can now suck dick while listening to music, without the encumbrances of cords getting entangled all over. The situation, of course, begs so many questions—the most important of which is, what is the official soundtrack of cocksucking?—none of which merits any legitimate discourse. Apparently the real measure of technological value, after all these years, is still its ability to freely distribute/improve/enhance/promote/pervert/intensify fucking.

Quid Pro Quo, of course I had to get enabled too, so I got myself a pair of CosBaby action figures, particularly those from the cute and wonderful CosRiders series! I hadn’t bought any toy or action figure for years on end, and I thought it was time to dive back into commercialism and the practice of accumulating stuff that will get relegated as clutter the very next day. I got myself the Back To The Future 1 and Batman Returns Penguin CosRiders. While eating calorrific apple pie in Nono’s I asked Smoketh to take a picture of me. “Took you long enough!” she said, amazed at the restraint I had so far exhibited. We then decided that it was time for me to graduate from blogging which is so 2000’s, into vlogging, which will hopefully be financially rewarding enough to enable me to leave the medical profession. I posted the video on social media, and it got 2 hearts. I guess I’m keeping my day job. As The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt intro goes: ✨Damn it.✨

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