Give me your heartbreaks, your painful pining for unachievable love, your guilt over the patient you’ve killed. Your emotional chaos at having discovered that you will forever be alone and that you can’t take the loneliness because you’re unluckily unschizoid. All your fears that you will get past thirty without achieving anything, all your excruciating realizations that you will go back to work tomorrow and see the exact same people, all your apprehensions that you are the same scared ugly kid you have always been trapped in the superficial adult world—all of them, throw them in my direction, cast them at me like heavy, fucking rocks. Give me all your loathings, your loathing at that fugly girl who snagged your boyfriend, your loathing at that fucking, self-righteous superior, your pure and utter hatred at the fucking administration. All your unrequited love, your spiritual crises, your identity issues, your emotional garbage, your discontent. I will take them all, take them all happily and embrace them, and I will carry them for you and I will be a total, psychological wreck, but I will take them all with much joy and acceptance, much joy and acceptance if you could only take away this fucking cracked toe nail that’s been killing me for days. It’s debilitating, it’s physical, it’s tangible, it’s fucking painful. I have been encumbered by this for many, many days and it’s been making me whinier than ever. Give me all your intangible problems, just take this crap away. Awaaaaaaaaaay!!!!