With much delight I pulled from the ref a bunch of lettuce, sliced some tomatoes, and had some bacon fried for me. Then I made a sandwich. Because that’s the extent of my food preparing abilities. Unlike… those kids from Masterchef Junior!!!! These cooking shows are on constant replay in three channels, and you can catch them all the time. In Masterchef Junior these 8-year olds cook lamb or some sauced chicken with those greens or something, using cumin, curry or foie something, and they turn in excellent-looking food.

This reminds me, back in Grade 3 for some reason our HELE (HELE! AHAHAHAAH!) teacher had us make up some recipe as an assignment. There was no internet then, so I had someone do it for me, some gourmet-ish breaded fried chicken of sorts. The next day we were to read the damn thing in front. Miriam was the lucky girl called to astonish us with her recipe. This is exactly what she said in front:

“Fried Fish. Instructions: Trim the fish then fried the fish.”

Which, without sarcasm, makes sense in the bigger scheme of things, because why the heck do we need to churn out recipes at that point in our lives anyway? Miriam went on to become a total Math and Chess wizard, winning contests left and right and is now some high ranking CPA.

And back in Grade 6, in… HELE (HELE! AHAHAHAAHAHAH!) our seat work was to fry an egg. If you can fry an egg perfectly, like the yolk is intact and it’s perfectly round and stuff, you’ll get 10 points out of 10!!!

“Yehey!” Neleah screamed in delight as she watched her egg get fried perfectly on the frying pan. Mrs. Let’s Buy Pig In The Market was about to write 10/10 in the grading sheet just as Neleah was excitedly transferring the perfectly fried egg from the pan to the plate. With a yelp she accidentally dropped the egg on the floor, and out splattered the yellow gooey thing on the floor from the once perfect sphere of yolk. “Ay,” Mrs. Let’s Buy Pig In The Market  said nonchalantly. “Zero over ten!!!” she then snarled.

These cooking shows are dredging up the most pointless experiences.

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