That is, me sitting near the controls, looking all smug, holding a bowling ball. But in fairness to me, I did take bowling as my college in PE… over 20 years ago! Duckpin bowling was one of the most difficult subjects to get registered to in UP Diliman, as the lines were always super long (at that time one had to manually line up physically for each subject!), and just getting into the course was enough of an accomplishment. Prior to that I had only gotten into PE courses that very few people wanted: Stretching, Philippine Games, and Ballroom Dancing. Now, in my old age, I will happily take those subjects for health reasons, specially stretching, in an attempt to slow down degenerative musculoskeletal functions and processes.

The UP bowling center was located in the UP Alumni Center, which was beside the UP Vanguard. According to our instructor, the entire alley was originally located somewhere in Vinzon’s Hall, which was a few kilometers away, and the bowling lanes had to be hauled in toto to the UP Alumni Center. Special features of the bowling alley included tiny bumps that made our bowling balls jump, and the ever fascinating “Pin Boys” who would manually arrange the pins on the pin table (they would suddenly emerge from the ball pit after each throw). I had been planning to write a short story about the pin boys for over twenty years, but couldn’t squeeze anything out of the idea.

I went bowling a few days ago in the resort where we had stayed for the weekend (the decrepit 80’s-themed one, see previous, uhm, resort review), and out of the 10 bowling lanes only one was functional. Took me a couple of throws before I was able to escape the gutter, and just when I thought I was getting my groove back the entire bowling alley became possessed. As in the monitor got all wonky, and some of us instantly got a series of free strikes on the scoring monitor. The pins would be set down by the pin distributor, only to be instantly swept off by the same machine a few seconds later. Also, giant mosquitoes started attacking us.

The panicking personnel ran to the back of the lane to check what was happening, and after a few minutes I asked my sister to follow him. I was suddenly reminded of that X-Files episode Elegy where a dead woman’s soul was trapped at the end of a bowling lane. No such morbid event happened this time–thankfully– but my sister did see the guy toiling away in panic. I whispered to my sister, “Maybe he’s hoping we’ll just give up and leave. Should we just give up and leave?”

We gave up and left.

Video: Me trying to grease the ball aka acts of lasciviousness

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