A few years ago my friend Keyser was set up to have a Valentines’ date with Goth Girl. He is codenamed Keyser here because I want to, but Goth Girl is called such because she is indeed a Goth Girl. When I asked him the night before what she might be like, Keyser said his sister described her as a total goth. When I asked her what he hoped she would look like, he replied, “Basta hindi nya kamuka si Hippura!”.

Hippura, of course, is one of our classmates. In class the next day I approached Hippura and excitedly said, “Hippura, hippura, hippura, may date si Keyser ngayong gabi at sabi nya okay lang daw kahit ano itsura basta wag mo lang kamuka!!!” I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea, because it obviously wasn’t. It was like that Ally McBeal episode where she imagined her own foot getting rammed down her mouth to illustrate foot in the mouth. Because Hippura let out one visceral shriek and tore out my entrails in rage.

When I asked Keyser the next day what the date was like he just kept quiet and changed the subject. Since then Hippura and I patched up, and since then I underwent the 12-step Program in Tact. Goth Girl was never heard from again. And Keyser and Hippura? They eventually ended up together. Warm and fuzzy!

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