This is how cheezums are translated in this hospital. A few months back during the AH1N1 scare Bubble was on her leave and she went to Italy where she ate pizza, drank wine, and rode a gondola. At that same moment Ernielou was on his Neurology rotation, and he suddenly fell ill with colds and had to take a sick leave. At that time Bubble was still in Italy. Versions of these two stories went around, but this is my favorite so far c/o Faciphaga Emasculata, a senior residnet in Neurology who (whom?) I overheard narrate this to a consultant excitedly complete with hand gestures and alar flaring.

Faciphaga Emasculata: “Grabe, ang dami nang may H1N1. Si Ernielou, absent tuloy ngayon sa Neuro, confeeeermed H1N1. Nakuha nya to dun sa batchmate nya na galing sa America… si Pebbles.”

I don’t know why, but the incoherence of this entire anecdote suddenly reminds me of an encounter with a super anemic patient (SAP), with a hemoglobin of 28.
Me: “Taga-saan po kayo?”
SAP: “Baboy.”
Me: “Hindi. Tinatanong ko kung tiga saan kayo. Sinong kasama nyo?”
SAP: “Baboy.”
Me: “Lekat. Nahihilo ba kayo?”
SAP: “Baboy.”

I’ve never really thought of it before, but SAP might not have been encephalopathic—he could, indeed, have been calling me baboy.

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