Last Will, Testament, and Endorsements

For the past few days I’ve been waking up with some mild, constricting chest pain and whereas before I would automatically assume “THYMIC CARCINOMA!”, it is now the virus that instantly comes to mind. Someone in the house would cough with a curt “EHEM!” and I would quickly switch from tambay mode to a med student doing a complete PQRST history (Provocative, Quality, Radiation, Severity, Temporal factors). After weeks of being a total loon constantly monitoring updates among the many, many Viber groups, I have now learned to limit the frequency with which I would check them, which I discovered is correlated with the severity of any of my imagined symptoms. And besides, many of these Viber groups I don’t even know why I keep. Most of these are hospitals or groups I am no longer affiliated with, but I guess I just don’t want the spectacle of “WILL HAS LEFT THE GROUP”. Frankly nobody in the group would really care if I leave, but I guess years of medical training has hammered in me the sense of presentee-ism or at least the pretense of such.

While in a bus in Tokyo two years ago, Uni-Horned Beef Jerky Alanis Whore and I were discussing the problems that come with suddenly dropping dead alone. How do you hand off your important documents to your nearest relatives? How do you deal with the taxes? Most importantly, how do you make sure that you don’t turn into nitrogenous liquefied gunk that would seep through the bedroom walls and attract all kinds of vermin first before somebody is notified that you’re dead? Uni-Horned Beef Jerky Alanis Whore was apparently thinking of a one-touch red-button app that you could frantically click before you die, which would automatically endorse your last will and testament to your loved ones/lawyer, and your patients’ case records to your preferred physicians. Whenever UHBJAW and I see each other we always talk about the inconveniences of death, and we always end up not really depressed, but stressed. Death is still, apparently, work.

“full travel regalia”

So for now while this app is still in the development stages, I’ve started drafting my own last will, testament, and endorsements. Whenever I file a leave for a one-week vacation, making a detailed endorsement of my patients already causes extreme anxiety, what more if I’m leaving… forever! Although COVID would probably not kill me in an instant like an aneurysm, it would be difficult to write all of these properly while I’m in the ICU isolation room and intubated. I wouldn’t want to trouble the overworked staff asking for a pen or a graphing paper, which would add to the fomites that will require disinfection.

In one of my more morbid and fatalistic Messenger groups we were discussing whether we prefer observing data privacy versus circulating an all-out novella complete with photos and screencaps of final conversations should we kick the bucket. I said they have my permission to tell everyone the entire story of my death and they could even include a photo as long as I look fantastic in it garbed in full travel regalia–none of those cropped group pictures while in a hospital conference luncheon, please. I guess talking about our own deaths so casually at a time when it could really happen is now an acceptable defense mechanism against this crippling collective anxiety.

In Memoriam photo of choice. We’re going after
the “the virus saved him from a life of alcoholism”
tita comments.



Categories: Blogs

1 reply

  1. Ayt! I shall gofundme for the development of the device!

    Like

Leave a Reply to silverfork Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Revolt Magazine

The Stories of Our Time

Rich Cervales Blog

Life snippets documented 😃

JessicarulestheUniverse

Personal blog of Jessica Zafra, author of The Collected Stories and the Twisted series

The Gastronomy Gal

Simplicity in food and travel

Sachified

Beneath the nurse’s apron and soon-to-be doctor’s coat.

KatFredTing.com

Snippets of our journey in life, love, and everything in between.

Coffee Cups and Waving Wands

I talk about a lot of things.

Brilliant Viewpoint

Discover • Motivate • Inspire

Jonas Diego

Write. Shoot. Sleep. Repeat.

...STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!

Rantings, ravings & ramblings of a rollicking mind

Pinay Mama in Singapore

working mom. wife. student. ofw.

Starloggers

Observations, Reports & Remarks From Out Of This World & Beyond

Too Dangerous For a Girl 2

Comics reviews, chat and commentary

BiblioNyan

A space for all things pertaining to books, Asian cinema, otaku culture, and self-care.

My Half-Baked Notes

A personal blog of a bewildered teacher

HappymessHappiness

Full-time daydreamer, half-time paranoid.

Aggie's Amygdala

love, laugh and lore from the limbic system

%d bloggers like this: