One day these frantic wang-wangs will crash into me and summarily cause decapitation. Special mention of hate to these political vehicles who feel like they own entire stretches of land, but I am not excluding ambulances. We know that even if there are no patients inside the ambulance at that particular moment, they are still within reason to hurry because they might need to pick-up a patient that needs to adhere to a strict door-to-needle timeline. But after having conducted an ambulance many times in my youth, we also know that sometimes the ambulance has already completed its last trip and is already about to park, making such catapulting action on the road unnecessary. In one instance I felt like I would fall off the Skyway trying to avoid a zooming ambulance.

In another instance last year I saw on the rearview mirror an onrushing convoy of motorcycles leading a black van along STAR toll, and I failed to avoid it quickly enough. They demanded that I pull over, and as soon as I stopped a group of military men approached me and started nagging me like professional naggers. “Hindi mo ba kilala yung nasa van?” One of them yelled. “Hindi!” I said. Unless I missed it, there was no marquee blaring the passenger name on the van’s bumper.

“Si PRESIDENTE! Buti hindi ka inano…” Chief Nagger trailed off.

“Binaril?” is what I should have said, with poise and grace. Instead I ranted poiseless and graceless: “Inano? Inano? Inano?! Buti hindi INANO?!” If someone took a video of me it would have been more embarrassing than a sex video.

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