I have a pathologic inability to escape situations. Such that if a talkish person suddenly accosts me in the corridor and makes kwento for hours on end I would find it too difficult to push her aside and run to wherever I need to go. Or if someone all of a sudden invites me to something I would hem and haw and stutter and stammer before I could give an excuse making it obvious that I’m lying so I would just say, with much dread, SURE! I’D LOVE TO COME TO YOUR PERFORMANCE POETRY EXHIBITION! Mrs. Therese regards this as part of a syndrome I am afflicted with (can’t say no, afraid to offend someone, inability to lie quickly and convincingly), ie, some kind of a Wuss Syndrome. This is the reason why I was for a time vortexed into attending a couple of weird religious events in UP Diliman, which deserves another ranty, self-deprecating, shameful blog entry all together.

And just recently, a patient was quite chatty. During weekend rounds I plan to make a maximum of five minutes-per-patient rounds. I set a timer. Because if I stay and chat with everyone leisurely I would get home at 10pm. Except Faciphaga Emasculata was strangely chatty and I just… couldn’t…. escape. He wouldn’t let me, and he made it clear. “Wag kang aalis,” he said.

Interestingly, he delivered quite a number of points. And even exhibited some kind of skill on how to deliver a story, make sure the listener is engaged, and make sure he CAN’T ESCAPE. For an hour. The salient points being:

1. “You look like you’re 21 years old.” (Ahoy! Way to get my undivided attention)
2. “We live in a crazy country.” (POINT!)
3. “You need to pray for God to give you a good wife.” (Talagang PRAY ahahahaha)
4. Viagra rules.
5. Money drives the world.
6. That his girlfriend, in a rating scale of 1-10, is an ELEVEN.
7. Connections rule.
8. and his last advice to me: “Marry someone rich.”

After minutes and minutes and minutes on end of inability to escape, I finally did a rote physical examination and managed to sheepishly slink away. My entry in the chart: continue present management.

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