I rarely get any text messages from the States, but recently received this from my friend N in the middle of the night, “We’re watching the History Channel and they are featuring Linda Lovelace, the star of the porn movie Deep Throat!!! Sabi ni Leonard kilala mo siya!!!.” Ahem. As if you don’t know yet, Deep Throat is the seminal 70’s porn classic about a girl with a pharyngeal clitoris. I don’t know how her clit got there, but it was definitely a case of weird embryology. This of course set the stage for some heavy duty fellatio. Linda Lovelace later became an anti-porn advocate after she discovered religion or something. Yes, yes, I admit, I got to watch… the vital episodes of The E! True Hollywood Story.
Also on True Hollywood Story, the triumphs and tragedies of Traci Lords. Traci Lords is credited for having almost single-handedly destroyed the entire LA porn industry. You see, Traci auditioned for a porn movie and passed herself off as more than 18 years old, and since then made a lot of movies. Unbeknownst to everyone, she was, I think, 16 or 17 and therefore illegal. A secret someone (theorized to be Traci herself) then tipped off the police about this, causing a massive legal action against the porn industry. Traci then explained away all her lurid performances by saying she was on drugs the whole time. It is now illegal to own any of the Traci movies, as it is considered kiddie porn.
And yet on another fun episode of True Hollywood Story, the tragedies and tragedies of a former child actor named Ronnie something. I can vaguely recall this episode 7 years ago, but he was some child actor who had a popular run in a series of family movies, but failed to grow up well, having retained his chubbiness and being all around ugly. Anyway he got so depressed he decided to try out porn so he could make money and meet girls, and he was initially regarded as a high-profile pornstar being originally a mainstream actor and all, but eventually ended up being a failure, being totally unequipped for such a demanding job. I don’t know what happened to him. In fact I don’t remember much about that episode, all I remember is that as I was watching it in my dorm in Philcoa I was eating ube and peanut-flavored tikoy from Chinatown given by Angelique Uy. Angelique is one of my psych blockmates, and she got a 1.0 in Physics 71, which I barely survived. Years ago we went to Chinatown for our Humanities II paper, along with Engineering students Loline and Ryan (or Mark? Jason?), and we ate huge amounts of tikoy. This year she gave birth to a really cute Chinese baby, and it sucks that I missed her wedding. I also missed Abby and Therese’s wedding, which I thought then were unfathomable. More Ritalin!

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