For indeed, we must have these to complement our daily experiences. That way we can always have the histrionics of pretending that we are in some great TV drama or a sitcom. Obviously I’m using “we”, when in fact I’m just pertaining to myself. For some strange reason I always feel like I’m in a sitcom, be it during a restful coffee conversation or service rounds. Don’t try to come up with what that strange reason might be, I’ll just say it out loud with two words: mental illness. Oh what has become of me, I’ve gone to the dogs, spiralled down directly to hell, etc.

I tried. I’ve tried really hard to restrain myself from dropping corny punchlines in daily conversations. I’ve even tried to be a monster and toxify everyone during rounds and pretend to have a modicum of self-respect, but every word just comes out as a punchline. My poor gen med service. Even when I’ve tried to bully and harrass Pyro by saying I would make ngudngod his face on the box of Mister Donuts he got me nobody believed I would do it and all I got were annoyed grunts that the line was not worthy of being shortlisted for Best Screenplay. I’d better create a better repertoire of bullification.

The recent world-shattering crisis of getting a laparoscopic chole has reminded me of a quote to define that life-altering experience. Obviously, that quote could only come from Marquis de Sade himself–more accurately, the Geoffrey Rush version in Quills hissing to the buxom chambermaid Kate Winslet:

“I will fuck you in every orifice of your body, and create orifices where there are none!”

Ouch. Stay away, Marquis, my peritoneum is the only sacred thing I have left, go on and choke on a rosary.

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