And So We Welcome Back, Uni-Horned Beef Jerky Alanis Whore

Was about to blog how, when Faciphaga Emasculata had asked me to join her for lunch one day last week at 2pm, all the loneliness I’d been feeling the past few years had been dredged up, exhumed, brought back to life like a Golem, who would kill, destroy, macerate everyone in its path, all those years of watching movies alone, eating alone, taking a bath alone, all rushing back and distilling themselves in a single drop of tear–in the most elaborate, histrionic, self-important blog entry, until I–and the readers, were spared from this infernal pointlessness when I discovered that Uni-Horned Beef Jerky Alanis Whore beat me to it and narrated the events straight up in Facebook. And so, let us welcome, 2nd time guest blogger Uni-Horned Beef Jerky Alanis Whore:

“She was able to get food for lunch at past 2. Everyone ate already. She asked him to accompany her because she said it was lonely to eat alone. He gracefully accompanied her but he felt his issues of loneliness surface. She just felt tired at that moment but he just felt lonely at the thought of loneliness. Everyone asked why he has such a low energy way about him that afternoon. He says, “It’s not low energy. It’s loneliness… what you feel when you go home to an empty bed.” Another She hears this and thinks he is mocking her. He explains it is really true he feels the loneliness. She feels this talk about alone time is really about her and whimpers (well, not really). Then, everyone who hears the conversation suddenly unearths that same subdued loneliness. They then choke themselves with yummy McDo cheeseburgers. Yum. Yum.”



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