We hate going to malls on a Sunday, so imagine the aggravation of going to, of all the bleeping malls, SM Megamall. Everyone was in megamall, but it was the nearest place where we could dine after… going to church.

Smoketh and I are Catholics, but we occasionally dip into Christian worship services. This started in college, when I was still in my pretentious self-discovery crap mode and I would attend everything. The last time I got into a service was 3 years ago accompanied by Tits aka Titi. Recent events of anguish and stuff sort of made me want to attend again. I prodded Smoketh to come. I told her she could meet boys there. “See anyone you like? That one? Eh that one? Ayun o baka type mo,” I pimped as we were making our way to the balcony. Smoketh, now being a consultant, is in a self-discovery crap mode. In the past couple of months she has beached in Bolinao, done scuba in Batangas, broken her leg while sand-surfing in Ilocos, traipsed along the fields of flowers in Bataan, gone to an assortment of church services, talked up random people in the street, and made asikaso all the papers and documentations she would ever need in her life. She has recently joined a random choir so she could meet boys. There were no boys.

So after church we started walking amongs the multi-crowds in Megamall, and I sort of tricked her into my ultimate destination–Jae’s Collectibles. Jae’s Collectibles is a tiny action figure shop that sells the sorts of toys I am into, and it’s situated at the farthest end of the mall. Smoketh, still sort of fresh from her brokenleggedness in Ilocos, was such a boyscout as she limped through buildings A and B to get there.

And what should I see standing there in the eskaparate, as if waiting for me, but… a lose action figure of… Matter-Eater Lad!!! Matter-Eater Lad is a member of the DC superhero group Legion of Superheroes which was quite popular from when it started way back in 1958. The Legion of Superheroes first featured in Adventure Comics, which was my favorite among my dad’s stockpiles of ancient comicbooks. Back in elementary and high school I would bring Adventure in school and show it to Namtab Pots. As a consequence only three people in existence are aware of Matter-Eater Lad’s existence: My father, me, and Namtab Pots.

Which begs the question: Why is Matter-Eater Lad not any more popular? Sure his only super power is being able to eat anything and he comes from the planet called Pepto-Bismoll, but why can’t he be at least in the same league as Brainiac 5, Saturn Girl, or even Proty? If he gets imprisoned he just eats the prison bars. Alternatively, he can just eat his way out by creating a tunnel in 10,000 munches. Writers have always struggled to create a storyline for him, as he can’t just be in prison all the time.

So Matter-Eater Lad is unpopular. But at the present time, in this state of abject poverty, I wouldn’t mind getting his powers. Because I no longer have to think of where to get money for my next meal: I could just eat the used syringes and be sated for hours.

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