I decided to watch A History of Swear Words in Netflix while doing a very lazy session on the elliptical. The first episode is about the etymology of the word FUCK.

Back in 1998 my college friend Timmy, a self-proclaimed prude, told me that FUCK is an acronym for Fornication Under The Consent of the King, after which he regaled us with tales that summoned colorful imagery of Braveheart and similar movies. We laughed and dismissed it as Timmy’s attempt to rationalize the pure joy and catharsis of saying the word FUCK for its own sake. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK! The Netflix show said that this theory is false and nothing but pure fuckery.

One of the my favorite theories as to the secret origins of the word FUCK did not come from the show, but was explained to me by my friend Clarizzie’s Syndrome when we were in third year high school. While bored out of our wits stuck in the classroom, enduring a prolonged brown-out after a huge typhoon, Clarizzie’s Syndrome told us the profound etymology of the word FUCK.

“It’s the sound made when a guy repeatedly pounds a girl’s vagina with his dick,” Clarizzie’s Syndrome explained as he stood up and demonstrated the act of pounding. “The sound is actually from the smacking of the thighs, like fuck fuck fuck.”

Such were our sources of entertainment pre-gadgets.

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