While enjoying delicious afternoon tea in UCC Clockwork like a tita-in-training I managed to eavesdrop on a bevy of bonafide titas sitting at the next table. I usually feel a twinge of guilt whenever I eavesdrop, but this time there wasn’t a lot of effort involved. They were all practically screaming, as if in a performance. It was a fascinating one-act play, and I was there for it.

It commenced with a prolonged confrontation with the manager. Tita Karen complained that she was given full cream milk on the side, instead of non-fat milk. The manager insisted it was non-fat milk. But it tastes so rich! Tita Karen said. Maybe you have accidentally swapped each others’ vials of milk, the valiant manager tried to explain. The titas started drinking from each others’ mugs, smacking their tongues to evaluate the richness of the milk.

Tita Annabelle then complained about the insurance she has just paid for her Subaru. “But how about the insurance for your Volkswagen? The Fortuner? The Lexus?” Tita Franny asked. “Yeah I paid for them na ren, mahal ha!” Tita Annabelle said with a pout. I had a sinking suspicion from then on that Tita Franny is like the best friend supporting actress in the group.

Tita Karen then discussed the geo-politics of expensive bags. She was once traveling in Jerusalem, when she noticed that the luggage of another tita, Tita Tita, was LV. This made Tita Karen feel deeply embarrassed, because while she was also carrying an LV, it was only… a tiny handbag! “Nahiya talaga ako,” she said. “Pero at least hindi naman ako naka Lacoste, noh! Ha ha ha!”

Lacoste, she insisted, is “something you just give away to your maids”. “I would rather carry around a generic, brand-less bag, than carry Lacoste! Ano ako, nouveau riche? At least if someone points out that your bag is generic, your excuse is that you like the style! Ha Ha Ha!”

Like the two guys at the other table, I was also having boatloads of fun listening in. But then they started talking about whose hysterectomy was more painful, as well as the rejuvenating benefits of rubbing placenta on your face, so I concluded that it was time to leave.

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