Gentrified Camping

I first heard of the word “glamping” in the summer of 2019, and I initially thought that it was a play on the word clamping. Like an activity that involves clamping something–or someone–with a twist. So it turned out to be glamorous camping, ie, you get to be one with nature, without giving up airconditioning, high speed internet, and indoor plumbing.

The first thing I was reminded of when Smoketh sent the photos of the Luan Glamping Site were the white domes housing alien oil-carrying bees in X-Files: Fight The Future. So I thought hey, I could play Dana Scully running and whisking away bees buzzing around. Of course the Luan Glamping domes were not big enough to run around in. There were 4 domes, each one able to house at least 4 people. To simulate legitimate, top-of-the-mountain camping the airconditioning was on full blast when we came in–we should have brought our Uniqlo heavy-duty heat-tech. Because when had I last used my heat-techs anyway, they might be getting crispy by now stashed inside unused luggages for the past 2 years.

Since I was glamping with four adult, responsible women with excellent culinary skills, I had the luxury of pretending “Hey, can I help fry anything?” or “You want me to wash the dishes so I can contribute something? Not really? Thank you.” They were nice enough to just tell me to shut the fuck up and just eat all the processed food they’ve been frying. Rose had brought huge ecobags containing all sorts of chips, eggs, rice, chocolates, coffee, sugar, salad, two kinds of dressing, mangoes, all sorts of produce, a laptop, ring light, her kindle, and so on. Aia had also brought a lot of stuff, and she was the driver. Smoketh fed us in her mansion before we left, she brought a lot of food, and she had arranged for this entire activity. I had absolutely zero contribution. Luckily there was no tribal council that night, or I would have been the first person voted out (unless I find the hidden immunity idol, idol nullifier, extra-vote, vote-steal, and time-reversal hourglass!). Note: to those who have stopped watching Survivor twenty years ago, those I have listed are all the advantages and weapons available to the players in Survivor: 42! ^^

I haven’t worn plaid since late last year, because as I always joked, Ping Lacson and Tito Sotto were futilely trying to make plaid a thing. But now I thought, you know what, I’ve seen people camping wearing plaid, and they looked cool and so into it, I guess this is the best time to wear it! But instead of a camper I looked like a principal who had just finished a PTA meeting and proceeded directly to his estranged son’s camping trip.

In the midst of it all we did the tita-est activity to do as we surrounded the fire pit: drunken poetry reading. We shall spare you the actual poetry reading, but it culminated into the heartiest laugh I have ever heard in my entire life (exaj).



Categories: Blogs

2 replies

  1. I think feeling comfortable in plaid is a prerequisite for camping.

    Liked by 1 person

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