Ever since catching a glimpse of the huge painted poster for the movie Boxing Helena depicting a quadruply amputated woman stashed in a box way back in 1993 in Harrison’s Plaza I have always wondered how Helena could have been in such a predicament. Also, the doctor who did the amputation was Julian Sands, which is creepy enough. I couldn’t watch the movie or rent the video then, of course, and it somehow gnawed at me and festered at me for years on end (exaj). Torrents has recently solved this gnawing and festering. For years on end I’ve been telling myself, “kawawa naman si Helena”, until I finally watched the fucking crap a few weeks ago. I fell asleep in the first ten minutes and just scanned for the amputation and the stashing in the box. In the final scene a quadruply amputated Helena is lifted by Julian Sands and placed on an altar with flowers and stuff. Ex-boyfriend of Helena enters and wails “Who diiiid this to yaaaaa?!” Helena screams back, something like, “go away! I like it this way!!!”
I’ve quizzed some people who know nothing about this movie.
To Thines: The title of the movie is Boxing Helena. What would that movie be about?
Thines: Some girl is amputated and placed in a box?
*slow clap* *slow clap* *slow clap*
To Tits: The title of the movie is Boxing Helena. What would that movie be about?
Tits: A battered wife escapes his abusive husband, trains under a boxer, and comes back for revenge with excellent boxing skills?