Around once every two years I get to summon enough fortitude to haul my ass to the mall for a particular activity I most revile next to getting a haircut: shopping. For things that are actually needed to make me look like a person, like clothes and shoes, because as you might point out, I do spend so much on toys and action figures with much glee which might still be considered shopping, while I never had a wrist watch since I was 12 years old. All my 2-year old shirts are quickly getting kupas, and I always bring an extra pair of socks in my disgusting bag because my feet get soaked if I walk on anything wet owing to my run-down pair of shoes, as I only have one pair–not one pair per occasion, but one pair for all occasions. All!

“You need to accompany me, Smoketh,” I asked Smoketh. You need friends for these sorts of stressful events. “If I have 5K which I could use in this one particular event what would I buy?” Because you see, I need to buy everything I could in one go, as this might not happen again in another 2 years.

“You can get a pair of shoes, a couple of shirts, a pair of pants,” Smoketh said.

“What if I get a pair of shoes, one shirt… and an action figure?”

“Stay away from the comicbook shop.”

“What if I get a pair of shoes, one shirt, and use the rest of the money to pay for quick, cheap sex?”

“You don’t need to pay for sex. You can have sex with whoever you want,” Smoketh platitudinally said.

Yes, it’s good to have friends who will tell us what we need to hear.

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