And in last night’s dream, I and five other people were going to some secluded, disgusting place to shoot some movie, but unbeknownst to me there was a sudden twist and the twist was that all five of them would kill me for real while filming, so this might have been some form of snuff porn after all. I keened, I wailed, I whined at the betrayal–truly if I knew this would be snuff porn I would have probably prepared better, such as put on some make-up over my laparoscopic scars. One of them killers was my batchmate Fulet Esplana. Fulet and I engaged in some sort of brawl on the floor, which is not exactly accurate, as she mauled me without effort and eventually killed me. Truly in real life and in dreams I am forever emasculated.

“You killed me, Fulet,” I told Fulet over lunch.
“Pano?” she asked while gorging on some COOP food.
“You mauled me. Tapos hinagisan mo ko ng pako.”

Two years ago Fulet and I have been voted the most desirable female and male of the batch by our batchmates. Fulet is genuinely desirable, while I am desirable if we’re talking about people desiring to impale or drown me or save me from my own embarrassing affairs. Yes, we love self-deprecation, because it facilitates drama and some form of self-fulfilling uglification, when in truth, I am holding on to the most desirable title dearly.

“We should relinquish the title now,” Fulet told me last year, and reminded me again this year.
“No,” I insisted. “I intend to hold on to it for as long as I can.”

Categories: Blogs