Slather My Face With Melted Reese’s and Lick It
On my 12th birthday a rich neighbor gave me a huge pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, those small cups individually wrapped in gold shiny foil, and to borrow some trite coming-of-age phrase, those cups… opened my eyes to a world of sex, drugs, and all sorts of worldliness. I think. Or maybe it was something else I did that day when I was 12 years old alone in my room that opened my eyes to the world of sex, drugs, and worldliness, I can’t recall. In any case I’ve always maintained that whoever would give me Reese’s next would be the person I would marry. One loud IKR, I know. One loud SAO, too. That next Reese’s would come in much later in medical clerkship almost twelve years later but this gesture wouldn’t amount to anything, because the Reese’s was given by a classmate as an apology, because she was four hours late in relieving me for monitoring. Scum. SCUM!!! But the Reese’s was yummy.
And just yesterday I was again given one huge pack of Reese’s. By a patient. A huge pack of Reese’s in a plastic bag, along with a tall bottle of Dove lotion. The gesture of course wouldn’t amount to anything, for obvious reasons. What obvious reasons I wouldn’t bother to list, but what I want to list, now that my IM continuity clinic is coming to an end, are some of the memorable PF’s I’ve received over the years. After numerous dinners together I’ve noted that Smoketh always gives lots of tips to waiters and such. I told her it’s superfluous, as there’s service charge and waiters get paid for what they do anyway. “That’s right,” Smoketh said, “but it’s just like PF’s in your clinics, you don’t necessarily deserve them and you get paid as a government employee, but you feel happy whenever you receive PF’s anyway.” There is no end to Smoketh’s wisdom, she can create her own Didache in fact. So the list:
- · Chocolate house with edible roof, walls, gate, pet dog, etc.
- A plastic bag of sweetened macapuno
- Gucci perfume
- Half-consumed box of Cowhead milk
- Sandwich with Zest-O
- A pack of Marlboro Reds and a Singaporean keychain
- Huge Cadbury bar
- A box of yummy cupcakes
- Goldilock’s Mocha roll
- A huge supot of daing
- A huge supot of mangoes
- A huge supot of rambutan
- Yummy langka-flavored biko
- A bottle of drugs- capsules that contain… biblical passages
- and a whole lot of other stuff
It’s now the month to say goodbye to our continuity patients, and most of them really seem to value the three years of consult they had with me. Mrs. T would also probably see the end of her monthly supply of 8-kilogram fish, which a patient would always give her. One Friday Mrs. T left the giant fish under the OPD table while she looked at other patients. She then realized, after a three-day weekend, that she had left the fish there. One word comes to mind: Maggots.