Back in high school I actually thought I would like to become a lawyer. Gross. Utterly, utterly gross. This is probably borne out of my being thrusted into a couple of debate competitions within the school. Again, utterly utterly bleeping gross. I did not know a single thing about debating, in my head i would rather be watching WWF, and really, debating is for people who can actually maintain a train of thought uninterrupted by “do I have a blank VHS tape on which to record The X-Files tonight?” Our favorite debate moment was that at one time, a judge was announcing percentage scores for each speaker. I’m not sure if this is how debates are really conducted, but at one point the the judge announced the scores: “JAPT, 94%!!! Namtab Pots, 96%!!! and Crashalimar… 32%!!!!” At which our classmates let out raucous laughter unabashedly. At one point when our teacher was asking for topic suggestions on what to debate about a classmate suggested quite earnestly:

Sushmita Sen, did she really deserve to win?

Which a classmate tried to one-up with: High tide, or low tide?
So 1994.

Have been watching for a few weeks now the ANC debates with law schools dishing out their arguments and stuff in front of judges and stuff. Today the topic was essentially on how to deal with MILF. MILF has recently taken on a new term, and every time somebody argues, “Give concession to the MILF!!!” I always imagine a different form of concession being given to a different kind of MILF.

As much as I hate these debates and stuff they do have their entertaining value. We like it when we see alar-flaring, forehead-slapping really high-strung contestants. I am probably just jealous: as I said I cannot maintain a coherent thought, in two-seconds I can confuse myself on which side I’m really on, and when I have nothing else to rebut with I would probably just say, “Bakit ba.” You know who would be a good debater? Lochia. Lochia can easily confuse his competitors with such statements as:

“Are you not aware that despite the government not having to not address without prejudice the non-withdrawal of military resources that were not disclaimed yesterday, there has been no unequivocal response from MILF that did not merely result in them not withdrawing their own supposed non-attack?!?!”

In which case the opposing side would just have to answer, “er… yes. No. Yes.”