Right before the pandemic Virulina was introduced to a call center agent through a common friend. Call Center Agent Cholo was not particularly handsome, rich, smart, or erudite but he was so into her and that was all Virulina ever really needed. She insisted to her friends that he possesses an attractive moustached out-of-shape daddy look. Absolutely nobody agreed. Cholo has not watched a single episode of Virulina’s favorite sitcom, The Office, but he possesses an extensive knowledge of the filmography of one buxom Sandra Anne Kay, his favorite Persian-American porn star.

Virulina and Cholo met for the first time around ValentiMes, had a couple of drinks, ate each others’ faces, and had heavy petting in the parking lot. Just as Cholo’s hand was crawling to Virulina’s thigh she whispered that she couldn’t have sex just yet, that night being their first date. So they scheduled a second date and in her head “As a full-grown, responsible woman who can make her own decisions, I am going to have sex on the second date”.

And then the pandemic happened.

So there was no second date, and there was that hanging prospect of a sexual intercourse that could have been but didn’t. She told herself that of course we’ll still talk online and such. However during the pandemic she felt that something was amiss. Something has suddenly CHANGED. He was not messaging her as he used to, he was not liking her posts as much as he used to, she would ask for his pre-sleeping selfie but he wouldn’t ask for hers, and his replies went from okay to ok to k.

Virulina gave me the permission to blog about this cautionary tale, as long as I change enough details without altering the true spirit of the jilting and ghosting process. In fake love therapist mode I asked her if she can specifically pinpoint what the cause of distress really is, and gave her 3 choices.

a. She is distressed because for all his loser-ness, Cholo is really the ONE. Just because he doesn’t fit the mold of what she–or anyone in the universe for that matter–likes, doesn’t mean that he can’t be a fantastic husband and father to their children.

b. She is distressed because for all his addiction to porn, smoking, and losing, he is actually the perfect guinea pig on which Virulina can test her ability to transform bad people and improve mankind.

c. She is distressed because they almost fucked, and she wanted to have sex with him that night but pretended that she didn’t really want to. Obviously I only said this as a mean joke, knowing full-well Virulina’s stand on issues, womynhood, independence…

“C! C of course! C C C!!!” she said. “C!”

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