Regress

Been a bit crazy the past two weeks, with the surge and all. I had assumed that consults for cancer treatment would go down, but strangely, the census has been climbing. There are so many messages in the different apps, so many that I hope the senders don’t mind one letter replies. I’ve been discussing with a friend whether it’s better to reply to everyone immediately, or just wait until that moment when you are in that state of mind to answer properly. I once tried waiting, but I just forgot to reply altogether. In the morning when I finally get settled in the chemo unit I just turn on the Viber in my iPad and it maniacally springs to life all its own.

I started covering up more intensely again, and in the spirit of cooperation, the weather has turned up the heat to summer levels. There are now three ways to die: respiratory failure from the delta variant, suffocation, or spontaneous combustion. I always feel like there’s something crawling in my throat. I try to soothe it with a shot of whiskey.

In my spare time I further aggravate my irritation by watching videos about anti-vaxxers, blonde Christians protesting against mask mandates, and conspiracy theorists. In other words, Fox News. It’s like a reaction formation to the craziness happening in the Philippines: just look for crazier stuff for the purpose of self-soothing. My favorite character is Marjorie Taylor Greene. If she plays Survivor she only needs to survive the first few rounds, then she will definitely make it to the final 2. Everyone will want to play against her in the final tribal council.

Luckily certain gems get recommended in the Youtube algorithm to wash away all of these self-inflicted annoyances. My new favorite is Debbie Gibson singing Lost In Your Eyes with Joey Mc Intyre atop a grand piano. I used to hate the 80’s, but the 2020’s is making me regress.

COR (Circle of Raket). Has nothing to do with the post. This was in 2013, when we had just finished fellowship and we were trying to earn some money. We conducted small group discussions, did some lectures, and so on. We did this for a few months before we became busy with our private practice.


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