See, you buy one action figure after years of abstinence and you slip back into the addiction. It’s like getting a taste of ice cream after having resisted for months, and then deciding to have ice cream for dessert for every meal for a week. Or judging a horrible person as horrible after 7 months of trying radical love, and devolving back into being a totally judgmental person. Strictly speaking I didn’t even get action figures last week—they were mechanical CosBabies!—but they just pulled me back in. There are just years when I totally lose interest in action figures, or I rightfully get knocked into my senses that these are nothing but plastic trash taking up space. And then this happens.

So this afternoon I got myself a brand new Superman action figure from McFarlane, the black and silver version! The brief history of this version in the comic books is thus: in 2015, there was a cataclysmic event that THREATENED TO SHAKE THE MULTIVERSE (of course!), called Convergence. As a result, past versions of characters all came together and fought each other. The DC Comics offices were transferring from NYC to Burbank that year, so they needed a huge “event” where the stories don’t require sophisticated writing and characters just shoot beams at each other.

One of these re-emerged characters was the pre-New52 (long story) Superman. He was depowered, he wore black and silver, and he hid in an abandoned building with Lois Lane. Of course, there was nothing to do but fuck, and Lois summarily became pregnant. She gave birth to Jon Kent, who, I think, is the current Superman in the comics. I said “I think”, because I haven’t read any DC comics in years, and from the reviews I’ve read the ongoing stories are apparently very, very bad, which makes me sad as my interest had been temporarily rekindled with the 2016 DC Rebirth event.

So here he is in all his DILF glory, the pre-New52-Convergence-Clark Kent Superman from the Convergence: Superman and Lois mini-series. Take away the Kiss Me hair he can pass off as Christopher Lee General Zod from the Superman II Movie.

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