So I had asked my sister to organize a family swimming event for the summer, given that the wet season seems to be coming in earlier than usual. My only rule during the booking and preparations is that I don’t want to be bothered about it—I don’t want to participate in the decision-making process, I’ll just whine and complain on site if things turn out to be horrific.

The first thing we noticed in Whiterock Beach Resort in Subic is that… there is no beach. There are swimming pools scattered all over, but there is no stretch of walkable sand that could strictly pass off as a beach. There is a tiny, probably 50-meter pot of lupa that leads to the ocean, and that’s it. My brother-in-law claims that we should wait for the low-tide for the beach to emerge. It finally did, at around 11 pm.

One of the attractions is a playground featuring a rather old set of seesaws, kiddie slides, and the like. Bootleg DC characters abound, such as Snow White and The Seven Dwarves:

Beside this set, is this mutant-alien hybrid, whose identity initially eluded us:

We wondered who he was, and it only became clear when we realized who he was snarling at:

So obviously the white fanged, earless dude is the neglected true king of the savannah: Scar. Maybe they ran out of cement for his mane. And just for confusion, beside Snow White and The Lion King is this grand kalesa featuring a giant horse pulling a majestic karwahe meant for either Maria Clara or Cinderella:

We started wondering what the main, overarching theme of the resort, or the area could be, and it took us a while to figure it out. And then we saw hand-painted signs all over the resort like this:

Leading us to the conclusion that the theme is—it should have been obvious the minute we stepped on the marmol steps in the check-in counter—Back to the 80’s!

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