In pure boredom I noted that I’ve been channel surfing for hours and hours on end, until I came across a new VH1 reality show called Tough Love wherein stereotyped women who have difficulty dating for one reason or another are trapped in a house and forced to work in different dating situations. They are labeled based on the possible reasons why they suck at relationships, hence we have The Partygoer, The Golddigger, The Picky Girl, etc. Steve is their tough talking, supposedly hard-ass bootcamp master, and he is convincing enough if not for his Bella Flores eyebrows. In this episode the girls are thrown into a party with lots of new guys of course, and The Partygoer immediately connects with this muscled tattooed guy and immediately they jump into the bathtub and they kiss and fondle and do all sorts of things and then they go to bed and Partygoer goes “Finish what you staaaaaarted.” Guy looks horny and all but tells her, “I… can’t.” Stymied Partygoer gives a nervous laughter and says she’s kidding, but of course she’s thinking, how dare you try to be all virginal when my boobs are this huge and hanging right in front of you—and yes, she is of the D-cup variety. This of course incurs the wrath of Steve who berates her that “you’re using your sexuality again!!!” which is a perplexing comment since she was trying to get him to fuck, I mean fornicate with, her anyway. Meanwhile Golddigger who was seemingly connecting with this black dude as he fit all her criteria is distracted by a very old dude who supposedly owns the mansion so she leaves black dude and flirts with the geriatric guy and tells him she’d love to go to Vegas with him on the next flight as long as he’s paying and then Steve goes “He’s not really the owner of this mansion, he’s just an actor,” to which Golddigger screams out loud. Later Steve tells Picky Girl in his very macho voice: “There is someone I want to set up with you, and he is really HOT!!!”

Will any of them find true love? Will the girls finally get their act together, start a tribal council, and vote out the horribly judgmental Steve? Is this, after all, just some weird season of The Bachelor and Steve would reveal that he is the prize, and if that’s the case, would any of the girls take him given his bushy but well-manicured eyebrows? What happened to the Bachelor? Or for that matter, The Bachelorette? The first season of The Bachelorette holds a special place in my heart, because back in 2003 while I was watching it on a Sunday night in my mini-TV in my dorm in Nakpil and I’ve just had my chicken adobo dinner I suddenly felt, for the first time, this severe abdominal pain which would later turn out to be encrusted, disgusting GB stones and would later lead to surgery in 2010. Yes, everything must histrionically be connected to that non-event.

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