The Infernal Pssssst

On our way back from UP we noted that there were already hordes of people flocking outside Quiapo church. I am reminded that my friend Ardee-kid and I used to go to Quiapo over a decade ago… to get DVD’s. The mega-stalls are situated across the street, make sure to get off the jeep as soon as you see the “Hortaleza” sign, Ardee-kid once sagedly advised.

The Quiapo experience used to make me wonder if I have a porn-connoisseur facies. I would be sifting through tv series DVD’s and the vendor would give me an unsubtle psssssst–and when I turn to him he would bring out a whole bunch of porn movies, muttering, “X?”. It doesn’t matter if I’m looking through pirated Simpsons DVD among the cartoons pile, or through computer programs, I would still get the annoying pssssssst. Eventually stalls popped up along Pedro Gil, and even if I was still in my white blazer with a steth across my neck, I would get the infernal psssssst. I observed other customers, and they didn’t get the darn psssssst.

So the clinical question: do I have the porn addict facies? Do I come across as someone who slobber at porn? Do my facial expressions and overall fidgetiness convey a sense of urgency to buy porn in the guise of checking out cartoons? I don’t know what a porn facies must really look like, but do I bleeping have it? Obviously it can be argued that it’s random and statistical analysis will tell us that more people received the pssssst, ergo, I am not special, but Tits never got it, nor did Ardee-kid, or anybody else I knew. When I was looking for X-Files DVD the second they heard “X” they brought out crates of porn.

In annoyance (and it didn’t help my cause) I asked, “Preggy porn meron kayo?! Yung mga pregnant? What about midget porn? Huh?! Huh?!” They didn’t have it. I hate to disappoint those who delight at my supposed debauchery but I am not a porn connoisseur, my knowledge of the existence of such… categories notwithstanding.

Photo by Engin Akyurt on

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