Recently told Smoketh a real-life problem and realized it is regrettable that we don’t drink alcohol. Because as much as I love substances I never really gravitated to drinking on a regular or semi-regular basis, always thinking that all alcohol tastes like bile, and yes I have tasted bile. No I haven’t.

The first time I ever got drunk was in UP Fair 1999 with Groiny and Chel, only because the thought of cheap, unlabelled, probably poisonous alcohol getting passed in the back gate secretly was too inviting. After ten swigs of the unknown substance we were all down on the ground, pulling grass, listening to one amateur band after another, waiting for the Eraserheads to do the encore. I don’t think we even got to listen to the E-heads—we all had to pee and had to line-up in Vinzon’s. In the UP Fair a year before that Groin and Skag Boy both got drunk to the point of unconsciousness. Groin woke up first but Skag Boy was still on the grassy ground, frothing in the mouth. Groin dragged Skag Boy all the way from the Sunken Garden to Molave. At that point I thought it was true love, and I have always believed that they would end up together. But Groin now has twins with a guy we haven’t met yet.

My secret ability in drinking is that I don’t ever get behavioral changes despite massive amounts of alcohol, because I think no amount of inebriation can really make anyone reveal his most disgusting secrets or profess overflowing lust—unless he wants too. Of course I could have taken my clothes off to the disgust of everyone without any memory of it, but I recently re-watched our residents’ team-building video and while others were singing and dancing crazily and totally morphing into the Spice Girls all together, I was just swaying and bumping left and right from sheer dizziness. It was like riding the caterpillar endlessly. What, you don’t know what a caterpillar is, you urban rich you? Back in the days when we had town fiestas we had the regular perya. That’s carnival/theme park to you. The most popular lessee of perya rides was someone or something named Almira, and so we would have Almira’s Ferris Wheel, Almira’s Octopus, and Almira’s Caterpillar. The Octopus was the ride to beat, but Caterpillar was a close 2nd. During one of our school’s foundation day they had Almira’s Caterpillar installed in the grounds. The Caterpillar was basically a circular, wavy track with the cars quickly going round and round repeatedly. I hurled on the first turn.

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